The Quotable NHL: Let’s Drop the Puck

Although technically we’re already two games into the NHL season, with Anaheim and Los Angeles furiously vying for the President’s Trophy, 2007-08 really kicks off for the majority of hockey fans with Wednesday’s four-game slate. Up until now, it’s been lots of pre-season hype and talk. And these are the quotes that caught my eye over the last few days, generally because they made me laugh, or cringe, or both.

“I can be a cheerleader, and this is a great team to cheer for.” – Jeremy Roenick on his new San Jose teammates. (The visual is disturbing.)

“If I had run my team into the sewer like that, I wouldn’t throw a grenade at the other 29 teams and my own indirectly. So I have no intention of speaking to him anytime soon.” – Brian Burke on his continued anger at Oilers GM Kevin Lowe for handing restricted free agent Dustin Penner a $21.25-million offer sheet in July. (Burke’s metaphor stinks.)

“Babe Ruth got beat. Hank Aaron got beat. No reason Theo Fleury can’t get beat, too.” – Theoren Fleury on the possibility of Jarome Iginla surpassing him as Calgary’s all-time leading goal-scorer in 2007-08. (Thank goodness he didn’t mention Barry Bonds.)

“The NHL has become an illegal cartel.” – The New York Rangers in their just-launched lawsuit, which contends the NHL shouldn’t have control over the club’s official web site and other promotional endeavors. (Sounds like the Rangers are about to invade Colombia.)

“Right now 82 games is a grind in North America.” – Sidney Crosby on the prospect of future NHL expansion into Europe. (Come on, kid: you’re going to love Prague.)

“I’m prepared to say that the work ethic of this team can be upgraded considerably.” – Mike Keenan on his Calgary Flames squad. (You’re all worthless and weak! Now drop and give me twenty!)

“I’ve always been telling him, it’s not good enough for him to be the best player on the Florida Panthers. He has to be the best player in the league.” – Olli Jokinen on his expectations for Nathan Horton. (Hey, Jokinen just stole Teemu Selanne’s line about Ryan Getzlaf!)

“I’m treating him like a thoroughbred: I’m going to ride him until his leg breaks and then I’m going to shoot him.” – Scott Moore, executive director of CBC Sports, on his plans for Don Cherry with the latter’s Hockey Night in Canada contract expiring after 2007-08. (This sounds cruel, even to those who like Europeans and visors.)

“Some of the choices for these positions of importance are mind-boggling, considering most import NHL players are not year-round residents in their adopted hockey communities.” – Globe and Mail writer Grant Kerr on the prevalence of European captains on Canadian NHL teams. (For a second I thought this was Don Cherry, but too many multisyllabic words.)

“Some might say that 12 [Finnish] NHL goalies isn’t so much to get excited about, but apparently it is, as the Swedes are distinctly bitter over the number of Finns suiting up between the posts.” – Helsingin Sanomat writer Martin Palm on Finland’s main current contribution to the NHL. (So when the Rangers visit Atlanta on October 18, does that mean a Lundqvist-Lehtonen scrap at center ice?)

“I just grabbed her Slurpee and started drinking and then gave it back to her. She was shocked.” – Ryan Smyth on how he met his future wife Stacey in a parking lot while playing for the WHL’s Moose Jaw Warriors. (To pull this move off, you need a mullet.)