The kind of Brett Hull interview we all want to read

When Brett Hull played in the NHL, he was a great right winger and an even better quote. But ever since the former 741-goal scorer was named the interim co-general manager of the Dallas Stars (along with Les Jackson) on November 11, replacing Doug Armstrong, he’s been a crashing bore.

The former Stars “Ambassador of Fun” told the Canadian Press about his new job: “It’s a challenge, but it’s a great challenge. It’s something I’m really looking forward to.”

Or how about Stars coach Dave Tippett? “He’s a bright coach with a lot of good ideas,” Hull informed the Dallas News. “I have a lot of respect for him.”

Boring, boring, boring!

This must stop. It would be terrible to see a colorful, outspoken soul like Hull get lost in Corporate Cliché-Land.

Fortunately, before that can happen, HockeyAdventure.com has intervened to set “The Golden Brett” straight.

In a world semi-exclusive, here’s the kind of Brett Hull interview we all want to read. And it’s vintage Hull, in his own words, from start to finish.

1. HockeyAdventure.com: Brett, since you’ve never served as an NHL executive before, some people question whether you’ll be up to the challenge. How do you respond?

Hull: I’m ten times smarter than everybody in this game, beyond a shadow of a doubt.

2. HockeyAdventure.com: You’ve given Dave Tippett a vote of confidence, but it’s still early. Meanwhile, your old coach Mike Keenan is on thin ice in Calgary. If the Stars don’t perform to potential under Tippett, would you consider bringing in Keenan?

Hull: He’s the kind of guy who will stab you in the back right to your face.

3. HockeyAdventure.com: Indeed. When you look back at your teen years, Brett, what were the early signs that someday you might achieve a leadership position?

Hull: People saw me as a pudgy, fun-loving, music-crazed bum, cruising North Vancouver in a deathtrap 1975 Pinto station wagon.

4. HockeyAdventure.com: Who were some important early influences in your hockey career?

Hull: The first guy to be serious about shadowing me was University of Denver forward Kermit Ecklebarger.

5. HockeyAdventure.com: Okay, but what about your father, the legendary Bobby Hull? What did you get from him?

Hull: Dad does have a physique like a Greek god. Years of baling hay, on a farm in southern Ontario, created forearms as thick as tree trunks. He looks like Popeye; his forearms dwarf his biceps.

6. HockeyAdventure.com: Thanks for that. Brett, your greatest goal-scoring feats came with the St. Louis Blues, and even though you’re now with the Stars organization, surely you left a little piece of your heart in St. Louis.

Hull: A seventy-two-year-old St. Louis grandmother writes me twice every month to tell me I’m the sexiest man this side of Bob Barker.

7. HockeyAdventure.com: With the Blues, you were good buddies with the well-spoken tough guy Kelly Chase. Did he ever share insights with you that helped you get through the tough times?

Hull: “Hey, Hullie,” he says. “I got the perfect title for your book. It should be called From Fat to Fame: The Brett Hull Story.”

8. HockeyAdventure.com: On a semi-related note, some scientists claim that with recent breakthroughs in stem cell research, human cloning could soon be a reality. Where do you stand on this controversial issue?

Hull: You can’t win without my kind of player. I’m not a great defensive player. But if you think you could beat a team of twenty Brett Hulls, you are sadly mistaken.

9. HockeyAdventure.com: If you weren’t involved in hockey, what would you be doing?

Hull: I’d be a great actor. But doing love scenes–that could be weird. Maybe I should do Westerns. I could be a cowboy. That would be awesome. Think about it. Me and Clint riding off into the sunset.

10. HockeyAdventure.com: Speaking of happy endings, do you believe this Stars club has what it takes to win the Stanley Cup this season?

Hull: I have no idea. I never make predictions. I’m not a prophet. I’m a goal scorer. My only gameplan is to keep smilin’ and shootin’. It’s just the way I am.

Footnotes (for ye of little faith)

1. Roy MacGregor, “Signs of hockey’s apocalypse are as clear as the number Brett Hull wears on his back,” The Globe and Mail, September 23, 2003

2. Allan Maki, “Time will tell if Iginla has an Iron will,” The Globe and Mail, June 14, 2007

3. Brett Hull and Kevin Allen, Brett: Shootin’ and Smilin’, Prentice-Hall Canada, 1991: p. 15

4. Brett: Shootin’ and Smilin’: p. 98

5. Brett: Shootin’ and Smilin’: p. 167

6. Brett: Shootin’ and Smilin’: p. 177

7. Brett: Shootin’ and Smilin’: p. 192

8. Brett: Shootin’ and Smilin’: p. 208

9. Brett: Shootin’ and Smilin’: p. 185

10. Brett: Shootin’ and Smilin’: p. 209