NHL Quotes of the Week

Armed robbery. Cheating husbands. Judy Garland. We’ve got it all covered in the latest edition of NHL Quotes of the Week.

“I’m going to say, ‘Hey buddy, remember me, the guy whose career you almost ended last year? See this dent in my face? Want to be roomies?'” — Journeyman enforcer Todd Fedoruk on being picked up on waivers by the Minnesota Wild and becoming a teammate of Derek Boogaard, whose right hand broke Fedoruk’s orbital bone in an October 27, 2006 fight. (Well, it’s better than saying, “Wanna go again?”)

“I just hope the [game operations] people take the clip of me punching him off the Jumbotron. They show it before the game, during the game, after the game.” — Boogaard on the prospect of having Fedoruk play regularly at Minnesota’s Xcel Energy Center. (The Boogeyman reveals his sensitive side.)

“You know what they say, ‘Behind every good man, there’s a great woman.’ Not that I’m saying I’m a good man.” — Sandis Ozolinsh of the San Jose Sharks on the support he’s gotten from his wife Sandra in his fight against alcoholism and return to the NHL. (For 35, he’s not a bad “Wizard of Oz” so far, with five points in 12 games.)

“I suggested to the folks at the NHL that we go arm in arm to [Bristol, Connecticut] to strike a deal with those folks.” — New NHLPA executive director Paul Kelly on his desire to get ESPN televising NHL hockey games again. (And now Gary Bettman and Bill Daly are practicing dance steps from The Wizard of Oz.)

“I was just in the wrong spot at the wrong time. It happens to me all the time.” — Chicago Blackhawks forward Tuomo Ruutu on being mistakenly arrested as a suspect in an armed robbery case while out for a post-practice jog in a black sweatsuit and cap. (Next time Pittsburgh visits Chicago, Jarkko Ruutu will facewash a cop.)

“[Brent] Sopel told me to do it. Somebody told me it was a joke. I don’t even know anymore. It was just a nice thing to do for the boys.” — Nineteen-year-old Chicago Blackhawks rookie Patrick Kane on his decision to give each of his teammates a custom-labeled bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon to celebrate his first NHL goal against the Colorado Avalanche. (Don’t be fooled by the modesty: Kane now goes by “Big Daddy.”)

“I don’t understand the point of trying to drive my head through the boards, but that’s what happened.” — Boston Bruins defenseman Andrew Alberts on the punishing hit he took from Scott Hartnell of the Philadelphia Flyers while trying to make a play on his knees, which led to a two-game suspension for Hartnell. (Perhaps Hartnell is a literal-minded fellow who overreacted to the lyrics for “Bang Your Head (Metal Health)” by the late, lamented Kevin DuBrow of Quiet Riot.)

“I tried to get away, but he still found me. I told the trainers that he has a GPS in his stick to find my ankle bone.” — Atlanta Thrashers defenseman Niclas Havelid on how Washington Capitals sniper Alexander Ovechkin keeps hitting him with shots on the power play. (Asked to comment, Ovechkin said: “If he dies, he dies.”)

“He said he is going to take my stitches out. I think that was stupid. I think he could show a little bit of respect, but he didn’t. I cannot respect him.” — New York Islanders defenseman Radek Martinek on what New York Rangers tough guy Ryan Hollweg allegedly said to him about the 15-stitch cut in Martinek’s cheek during a November 29 scuffle. (Hollweg countered by announcing his plans to study medicine at Yale.)

“If it’s sexy, let’s be honest, sex sells. I wouldn’t have a problem with that. If they’re going to say that every player cheats on his wife, that’s just not the case and I’d have an issue with it.” — Shawn Horcoff of the Edmonton Oilers on his concerns about a racy, hockey-themed soap opera called MVP that premieres on CBC in January. (For the record, Horcoff’s wife has never expressed a desire to leave Edmonton.)