NHL Quotes of the Week: December 23, 2007

In case you’re wondering why updates have been infrequent recently, I spent a week vacationing in Huatulco, Mexico, where CNN occasionally shows 30 seconds of NHL highlights every four hours. When I got back, it was nice to see that the NHL had been as calm, peaceful, and serene as a Mexican beach, and the following quotes just bear that out.

“[Matt Cooke] may be the worst fighter in the history of the National Hockey League.” — Vancouver Canucks GM Dave Nonis on Cooke’s fight with Steve Moore of the Colorado Avalanche in the March 8, 2004 game where Todd Bertuzzi assaulted Moore. (Cooke was thrilled to be compared to Wayne Gretzky.)

“To be honest, I was a bit fearful of whether I’d have [the coaching passion] when I started, but it’s fired up again. I’ve trained hard to look after myself and physically I feel strong.” — Mike Keenan on his return to the NHL coaching ranks with the Calgary Flames. (Keenan then showcased his magnificent physique by putting Owen Nolan in a chokehold.)

“I was 13 or 14 and I met [Donald Trump] at a bar mitzvah of a good friend of ours, who’s friends with him. He had his girlfriend at the time with him, that Melania with him. He said, ‘Hey guys, if you work hard and be successful, you’ll get one of these.’ I’ll never forget that. And now he’s married to her.” — Jason Spezza of the Ottawa Senators on the most famous person he’s ever met. (Spezza credits the encounter with helping him embrace a more progressive attitude toward women.)

“Girls, where are you? I can’t find you.” — Alexander Ovechkin of the Washington Capitals on his inability to locate pretty girls whilst zooming around downtown Washington on a Segway with teammates Nicklas Backstrom, Matt Bradley, and Mike Green. (Ovie? Give Spezza a call. He’ll hook you up.)

“That’s not an excuse for stepping on his foot, but it’s being described as something it’s not. It’s letting him know I’m there. It’s like a shot in the arm.” — Chris Simon of the New York Islanders on the allegedly overblown reaction to his stepping on the back of Pittsburgh forward Jarkko Ruutu’s leg on December 15, which earned Simon an NHL-record 30-game suspension. (That’s right: remember to get your flu shot.)

“Chris is a good, solid guy. He does have that switch where he can snap, and I think that’s why he’s been in the league for so long.” — Bryan Berard of the New York Islanders on Simon’s character. (Could I get a logic check on Aisle 4, please?)

“As opposed to living the rich life and consuming as much as possible, people have to take a step back. Instead of buying the biggest diamond or having 18 cars, do other things. Buying the biggest thing is outdated and there is no excuse for it.” — Andrew Ference of the Boston Bruins on his pro-environmental, anti-consumption philosophy. (And so Ference just wouldn’t quit bugging Sidney Crosby about all his endorsements, and so they dropped the gloves. That would make sense.)

“We’re trying to work on Sami [Salo] to get through that and shoot the puck. [Al] MacInnis shot the puck all the time. If there was a fool who wanted to stand in front and break an ankle, tough luck.” — Vancouver Canucks head coach Alain Vigneault on encouraging the thus-far goalless Sami Salo to stop worrying about hurting other players and use his 100-mph slapshot more. (To encourage more use of the word “fool” in NHL circles, Vigneault then sang The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” and Whitesnake’s “Fool For Your Lovin’.”)

“Wrapping Christmas presents is tough. Even peeling a Mandarin orange is tough. I have to get my kids to help me.” — Center Brendan Morrison of the Vancouver Canucks on wearing a cast on his right wrist after the surgery that cut his NHL ironman streak short at 542 games. (The quote raises disturbing new questions about the prevalence of Mandarin orange use in the NHL.)

“My buddy sent me a YouTube video today of (Pavel) Bure in the (1998 Winter) Olympics when he scored five goals against Finland.” — Marian Gaborik of the Minnesota Wild on the inspiration behind his five-goal outburst in a 6-3 win over the New York Rangers on December 20. (Gaborik was disappointed to learn that no video footage exists of Joe Malone’s seven-goal game against Toronto on January 31, 1920.)